Morning dust :

Morning dust

Filled with lust

Eyes of gold

Rip my soul

Love and fear

All so near

Skin ice cold

In the razor sharp world

Transparent in time

Forever mine

So far

So near

Why always fear

Hand and love

Hand of hate

All that this world have create

Morning dust

Children crushed

Pain and sorrow

My world

My tomorrow

- H. De Villiers -

Power of Love

I searched in the hope to find

The words to describe

How you make me feel inside

For long I have wondered what it is called

This sensation within my soul

If you touch me I tremble

My heart beat so fast

I hold on to you

With every breath that I have

The kiss of your lips

Rip my body apart

As you touch me deep within my heart

Far have I reached

Never to find

What is true

And what is mine

But within your glaze

I can see that you care

Looking beyond my skin

Into the person deep within

You make me feel warm and safe

And I am no longer afraid

Because of this

I can now say

That I hope this feeling never dies

Cause for the first time

Love has changed my mind

- H. De Villiers - 

Becoming moon and sun :

Fading away

Slowly apart

You and I

No longer one heart

As you drift in the sun

The sky is so blue

My heart still yours

My mind all on you

But the moon has to shine

With the sun in her heart

Not always together

Further apart

Your shadow will fall

To blind my light

But my heart will still burn

With your love insight

This reality we share

Always will show

Even as we drift in the shadows

Emptiness apart

The bond will stay compelling

Unconditionally of sight

Forever you and I

Fill others hearts

Bringing light where there was darkness

For them to never part

Even though you and me

Have to drift apart

- H.De Villiers -

Numb :

Unwrapping all my feelings

Feeling things never really felt before

Pain

Love and

Sorrow

Naming only a few

But never really knew

That the one feeling that made me whole

Would be the one feeling

That would brake my soul

For this hope that I created

Became superior pain then sorrow

Love became a hope to contain

Pain became a hope to avoid

Deciding

That the only way to feel

Is not to feel at all

- H. de Villiers -

The Wheel of Life

The circle of life takes us places

Spins us round – rearrange our faces

Castles built

Walls broken down

Leaving behind loved once

Forever forsaken

Memories collections of smiles and faces

Treasures kept in hiding

To fade in time

As we apart

No matter how well prepared

No matter what time where given

Nothing can prevent the pain of loosing

Or the sadness that comes with it

Tested and measured

By uncertainty

No waiting for recovery

No waiting for us to be

Choosing your path

Right or left

Wrong or right

No return there will be

Yet the wheel keeps turning

And we love it

- H. De Villiers - 

This is for you:

This is not a love rhyme

No, this is for you

To say thank you for all that you do

You are the best thing that ever happen to me

I know you won’t believe it to be

My world have changed, but yet you remained – all in a day!

I can’t explain how much this means to me

And I’ll cherish every moment – not even a glimpse it may seem

You taught me secrets of how to live and of how to share the emotions in me

A friend you where for me in need

A friend you are still, indeed

The only one that could see - I was hiding

From the world - I was dying

Now you are in a place very deep inside my heart

Where there is no escape – no falling apart

Thank you, is all I can say

For giving are only taking

And you and me are so far apart

Hopefully this thank you will reach you soon

Even if

After all

You are just the voice inside of me

- H.De Villiers -

The Uncontrollable :

today i’ve run - i’ve run so far

to be anywhere but where you are

its been awhile, years in fact, but,

you’ve make me fall

far and hard

leaving me helpless, broken and apart

but i will run away from where ever you are

for just today i’ve felt you stare

again and again, creeping me,

freaking me,

till my heart starts beating fast,

faster still

leaving me paralyzed

numb and distracted

with shocks and horror running down my spine

staring, glaring – almost unbarring

that’s why you make me run - I’ve never ran so far

as long as i’m away from you

‘cause that’s where its the safest to be

not  how i wanted it

but, choices i had to make

for wrongs i have done

only me to rectify

leaving myself to satisfy

so i will run

faster and faster still

i’ll run away from you

away from the one i cant bare to face

so that your stare won’t drag me in

or pull me closer

to your unforgiving mind

eating me whole

shrinking away my soul

so i will run far far away

to a place where i can control

this uncontrollable

- H. De Villiers - 

Frozen :

My heart are frozen
Breakable,
But not without pain
Cold,
But as warm as rain on a summers day
Soft,
But harden by painful words
That's too often said
Too often not mend
A joke
To painful to face
To true
But numbed

- H. De Villiers -

Today :

Today

Allow me to feel for you

I want to be there for you

Today your tears are all mine

Let me feel your every pain

All your sadness

Alive in me

I want to be there for you

I want to be close to you

Hold you near me

Feel you closely

Touch your senses

All around me

Today

Allow me to feel for you

I want to be there for you

- H. De Villiers -

Broken Angel :

Deep despair
To hard to bear
Angels with no wings
Broken within
Tear no longer
A cleanser of thee soul
For cries have dried
This broken mind
Empty, unwhole
That day that shook
my heart
no more spoke
of you without tears
now I’m left with no more comfort
but seeing you smile again
for hope of having you with me
every day with no end
was taken from me with no reason
only pain within

- H. De Villiers -

Feeless :

With a touch of your hand

You heal the broken
A gift you obtained
With your heart outspoken

The glare of your eyes
Captivate – mesmerized

The strength in your hands
Wrapped around my shoulders
Showing your grace
Your compassion
Your wisdom

Protector of life
The living among us
Sharing of knowledge
Combining of strengths
To defend this haven
With all your force

You surround our being
You defend in all your might
You are the saviour of nations
You are the light in the night
With your sort of strength
You fight for our right
Dressed with perfection
Armour of might
Your enemies tremble
By the sound of your name
Power unrevealing
Chosen to do what’s right

Your power – our freedom

- H. De Villiers -

Things that I am thankful for :

I am thankful for my family
that love me unconditionally

I am thankful for my friends
that brighten me up when a day goes unbearably wrong

I am thankful for that special person
that’s always there even if I’m not

I am thankful for my wellbeing
that let me sleep in every now and again

I am thankful for music
that make me dance and sing all day long

I am thankful for sunshine
that bring this glow to my smile

I am thankful for love
that all of us have in our hearts

I am thankful for my bank account
that pays for more than needed

I am thankful for my work
even if i don’t feel like working

I am thankful for my car
that drive me to where ever you are

I am thankful that I have no pain
something I see to often

I am thankful for forgiveness
that bind us together

I am thankful for my knowledge
a gift so frequently neglected

I am thankful for stars
that make me realize
that I’ll never be alone

I am thankful that I have it all
even if I feel hollow

I am thankful for You
the creator of all things
all that I’m thankful for

- H. De Villiers -

Mesmerized :

Strange but true never revealed
Only shown beneath our skin

Do you have unusual ways?
Maybe normal in another place

Do not feel alone
For you’ll never be
Unless you wane be special
Almost as special as me

Strange may be normal
But not normal for me
Normal not defined
In my mind to be

Wacky ways are usual
Common more to me
It is strange that trigger
The attention in me

Do you wane be noticed
In the normal way
Then do all that’s more then common
Usual for all days

Or would you like to be
Mesmerized for me
Then do as much unexpected
Never usual indeed

Then to be the strange and true
Will be true to thee
Shown apart from your body
All for me

- H. De Villiers -

Battle of each day :

running faster, i cant keep up
dripping sweat running down my cold face
showing my emotion
flikkers of no grace
a choice so hard to follow
yet so easy to make
hungering yourself for that last taste
sensation of fulfillment
not fulfilling at all
only hungering for more
breaking out for the next run
heart beating like a drum
knowing that you cant keep up the pace
pulling yourself into murder
of all your given faith
sacrificing that one pleasure
to hard to face
all for your own discomfort
your own miss taste
incorrectly moving into this worldly face
slowly gaining strength
to breath while in so much pain
trying to keep up
this devastating pace
thanking all the supporters
that witnessed your embrace
to this ungodly given...
never ending race

- H. De Villiers -

Missing you :

cold and warm

happy and sad

knowing not, what to feel

knowing not, where to find

are you mine

i am blinded

by this confusion

this optical illusion

no sleeping

hunger for more

of your comfort

and wisdom

truth unrevealed

controlled, by that i lack

are you real

am i captured

by nothing at all

by hunger

by fear

by you

by me

empty thoughts

missing

not you

but you in all

why i don’t know

but i do

- H. De Villiers -

Love Magic Music Baby...

Feel the beat...

Feel the rhythm

Feel the beat...

Pum - pa - pum pum - pa

Pum – pa - pum pum - pa

Loosen your body

Open your mind

Relaxing

In a total trance

Feel the beat

Feel the heat

Pum - pa - pum pum - pa

Pum – pa - pum pum - pa

Rushing in your body

Make the moment yours

Leaving your mind now

Your body no longer in control

The beat taking over your soul

Restlessness no longer in your mind

But in your body filled with lies

Feel the beat

Feel the music

Feel the heat

Pum - pa - pum pum - pa

Pum – pa - pum pum - pa

Feeling the sweat on your body glow

Tense dripping from your sacred soul

Bump against the being by your side

Feeling their warmth

The heat inside

Ripping your mind from all that was

Leaving you naked in your thoughts

Tripping on the rhythm

Pum - pa - pum pum - pa

Pum – pa - pum pum - pa

Sound that blast your insides still

Surrendering your mind

Sacrificing your soul

In trans you remain

Pum - pa - pum pum - pa

Pum – pa - pum pum - pa

Until the end and then

Silence...

Pain...

- H. De Villiers -

Goodbye – for now :

Today I am leaving for a new job with better opportunities. But even if the new beginning are so rewarding, I have to leave behind things that I was used to and people that I love. I have written this poem because I love my friend so much. I will miss her company every day but most of all - I will miss her just being there for me - EVERYDAY. Even if both of us had a bad day.

I will miss you!

Goodbye - for now :

Every thing has to end
Even the rainbow
With a pot gold

The sun need to stop shining
To give us the beautiful sky

The sea has to come to shore
So that we can play and swim

Ice-cream with yummy chocolate
All at the end

When we say goodbye we hug and smile
Mmm, what a treat... squeeze

To do it all over again
Tommorrow or the other day

Today I say goodbye
But with a cry

I will be sad for a little while
But it will end - like everything else

Do not cry now
Do not fear

There is a new beginning
Outa there

Happy I will leave here
With wisdom - have no fear

I bid you goodbye
With a hug
And a smile

- H. De Villiers -

Playful Happy :

Where does the road of happiness lead

Does it end or calm down

Who could tell me where to find

The unanswered in my mind

All day long I have to watch

The love and happiness that they've got

On the TV and in every show

Displays of never-ending love

Is it real

Does it exist

Or is it only ment

For the chosen princess

All this greed and foolishness

How could the world still exist

As a happy place for you and me

If all day long we have to fight

For that which rightfully is mine

How could we live together

Peacefully and adored

Distanced from one-another

Yet one in all our greed

Finding a way to love

Unconditionally

Is this ment for me?

Should we really live with all of this

Why all of this struggle and hunger

To be a part of what we need

Love and warmth of our souls

We brake each other down

To seek that what we don't grant

For the one that is left behind

Should we then play this game called love

The one thing that was given

From our God above

For all of us to have

Was love

Then why should we seek

Why should we fight

For the given

To be mine

Could we not stop this dispute

This hate and detestation

For one-another

For love

Do you not find it ridiculously ironic

That the only thing we all have

We still fight for every day

Ignorantly leaving it behind

Play all you want

Deny what you've done

But don't destroy

The only thing you need

This thing called love

- H. De Villiers -

Dearest boy :

Recently I have become the proud godmother of my eldest sisters first child.

This is also the first baby in our family, so I am quite new with the babysitting thing.

This little boy have crept in my heart so deeply that it hurts to much to try and explain. I can not imagine my life without him. My pappa (the proudest grandfather that I know) will travel 30min longer to work just to see his happy smile. He calls him “oupa kind” (granddaddies child). He want to make sure that the first thing out of his mouth is not Mum or Dad, no, it should be GRANDPAPPA!

Dirk is not only his name, but my fathers name as well –

therefore the “Oupa kind” name....

With the arrival of this little one (which was the biggest baby that I have ever seen) came a lot of reality. It made me think of how this world is not made for the “nakedness” that comes from being so little and defenseless.

We can’t give him milk before the bottle is sterilized ext.

Our internal defense meganisme need to get “used” to all the crap in the world before we will be able to digest or survive it.... how true.....

Why is it that there’s so many wickedness in this world and our system can’t resolve it with out adaptation? Non of us where born with a build in anti virus. All of us need to adapt to one thing or another some time in our lives. Some of us have the protection that’s needed (wealth...maybe for some, for others like my.... faith...) and some of us need to build stronger defense meganismes before we can be granted as the same in society.

Oh and there I go again... what was I saying...

So, this poem I wrote for my Dirk boy. I tried to make it as light as possible because I think that if I start to spell out the world for him, he will not like it at all.

I hope that you enjoy this as much as I enjoy looking into my baby’s eyes – kissing him so much until he’s pink all over his face.

Love,

H

Dearest boy :

My sweet baby boy

How wonderful to know your name

You come to us like sun in the rain

Filling all of us with joy

Happiness that you shine

the divine pleasure being all mine

Peacefully

As you lay there in your sleep

Soft and sweet

protected by your mothers warmth

covert in a blanket of love and prosperity

The world will try and take your soul

Keep your faith in our God

And you will love forever more

Let our God protect your soul

from all the wickedness in this world

Your heart will question undeniably

all that was build and left to be

not that is mine but your legacy

Keep on laughing every day

Singing and dancing in the suns ray

Little happy boy of mine

Let the world not destroy your mind

Happiness lay in your heart

Don’t stop smiling come what may

Your smile - our firely delight

creeping in our hearts without sight

Skip and hop in the paddles of rain

Play till the end of this day

My wish to you my little boy

Is to find the best in life

And make it yours forever more

Do not forget us little boy

We will always be here

Whatever come

Whatever may

Forever you will remain

mesmerized in our minds

We will always be

Your family

- H. De Villiers -

What I want :

I want you to treat me
Not like a fool
But like I’m the queen of the world
Look at me like I will not be here tomorrow
Touch me like raindrops on my skin
Creeping with in
Love me so much that it hurts
Give me your soul
Your heart
Your bliss
Let happiness form part of your smile
Filling me up burning my inside
Make me hole once again
Be my civilization
My cascade of memories
Take this pain inside of me
And revolve it into peacefulness
Calming my mind
Resting my soul
Rollercoaster we will ride
Up and down
In my heart in my mind
Tripping on your wisdom
Weakening my insanity
In your heart I’ll always stay
Not for tomorrow
Not for a day
But for the life that was granted
For you and me
In this humanity

- H. De Villiers -

Africa :

I breath and smile

... a hungry child dies

We go on living our normal life

while somewhere in Africa

... a hungry child dies

Our worries are filled with selfish greed

money and wealth all we need

while somewhere in Africa

... a hungry child dies

Laughing and singing all day long

playfully forgiving the sins within

while somewhere in Africa

... a hungry child dies

Warmly wrapped with the blanket i have

ready to sleep safe and relaxed

while somewhere in Africa

... a hungry child dies

You breath and you smile

... a hungry child died

- H. De Villiers -

Gaining Sanity :

they said that i will not make it

they said that i will have to much pain

they said that without you i'm ruined

they are cruel and vain

how could you be so insane?

every day since you are gone

have been the best day for so long

your eyes deceiving

your touch grieving

how could i let you destroy me this way?

my mute reaction

to your painful distraction

my defense to your traction

one day at a time

will i rebuild that what you destroyed

in a word of your poisoned thoughts

pain that was not mine

inflicted on me

unwillingly

do not blame me

for i was hypnotized

by your insanity

how could i be so blinded

by your frozen hearted sincerity

your glaring abstraction

killing me delicately

i will be stronger without your madness

constructing my own loyalty

my sorrowed eyes

because of all your lies

i will be stronger

one day at a time

my heart distracted

by worldly hatred

softly building fearlessness

to fill this hollow

you left me with

slowly defrosting

my frozen mind

filling me with icy warmth

shadows of darkness

fading still

sadness turning in gladness

i will be happy still

- H. De Villiers -

One Last Kiss :

When the night turns cold and all that is left behind is me and my mind

Then I wonder why it all had to end with such deep pain inside

I can still feel your hands on my shoulders as you kiss me goodbye for one last time

Your cheek touching mine as you pull me close and hug me so warm inside

That one last word burning my inside

Then I sit and think about the pain that follows

About how you left me so cold and without any sorrow

How you made me realise that for us there is no tomorrow

Behind this laughter and happiness I show

Is this pain you left me the day before tomorrow

Now my heart turned cold and with no sorrow

I am now danger to the man that will follow….

Say no more goodbye say no more one last time

- H. De Villiers -

Addiction :

Oh dear friend of mine
How happy you make me feel
To think that you are only 10g
And sleep in a can
You are my source of laughter
My source of tears
You make me fall
You make me feel
You make me wane be
Breath in breath out

Breath in breath out
Oh dear friend of mine
Never let me go
For what am I on my own
I will not be able to stand by myself
Or even make it past the day
Please let me fall
Let me cry
Let me feel
Once in a while

Oh dear friend of mine
Please don’t let me go!
Deep breath in breath out

Oh dear friend of mine
Help me make it to the night
The time is standig still
So is al this feelings in-site
The pain is ripping me apart
Tearing my insides out
Flaming shadows brighten the sky
Help me Oh dear friend of mine
Slow breath in Slow breath out

Oh dear friend of mine
Let me rest on your shoulders still
Dry the tears streaming down
And let me fall one last time
Pick me up and throw me down
Show me the way out of this host I call mine
Hold me warm
Hold me tight
Be with me oh dear friend of mine
No breath in or out

- H. De Villiers -